Knapp's Relationship Model

 

We've all been there. You meet someone new that catches your eye. They intrigue you, they make you laugh, your first interaction with them leaves you yearning for another. As humans, we crave interpersonal relationships. They're the things that make life more meaningful. Some relationships last a lifetime, and others fizzle out. Relationships are a complicated thing, but Knapp's Relationship Model makes them a bit easier to understand. Knapp's Relationship Model is a 10-step model that critically assesses and breaks down the different steps of a relationship. Despite the fact that a relationship's "coming together" and "coming apart" have the same amount of steps it is entirely possible to skip a step or vary in time between steps. 

I am so incredibly lucky to have made meaningful relationships with friends that haven't reached the termination stage of Knapp's model, but don't get me wrong... I've been through my fair share of makeups and breakups. Some of the most influential people in my life are no longer such, but with each failed relationship I've learned something more about myself. 

Step One- Initiating

While I would love to sit here and talk about how Knapp's Relationship Model makes my last breakup look inevitable, I feel like our time is best spent talking about the steps my new and exciting relationship is beginning to enter. Amidst a global pandemic and the height of the holiday season, I somehow have managed to find someone who can deal with my boisterous personality. Around the beginning of December, the two of us entered Knapp's first step, initiating. According to Knapp's model, the initiating phase is quite short. This is the time when two people leave their first impressions, the time where the two leave the other wanting more. Personally, first impressions are important because they clue you in to what the person leads their life as. It was crazy to me that my partner's first impression left such a lasting impact on me. I didn't know much about him other than the fact that he was funny and that he smelled nice. All I know is that I quickly wanted to move out of the initiating phase with him and into Knapp's second step, experimentation. 

Step Two- Experimentation

Knapp's second step is also referred to as the "probing stage." During this experimental stage, two people learn more about each other. What are you passionate about? When you have some free time on a Sunday do you watch football, or do you go for a walk? This is the time when I feel that compatibility is tested. Lucky for me, we share plenty of similar interests and similar groups of friends. I was actually lucky enough to find someone who loved balancing dedication to their future with one too many beers during the playoff football season. Actually, it was in this experimentation phase that the two of us jet-set off to a foreign country with our friends for vacation. But, beforehand we spent the holidays in different states with our families. During this time apart is when online communication really helped me out. It can be hard to be physically separated from someone you are getting to know, but with social media and Facetime, it can be much easier. We tried to set up times to Facetime every day and sent each other Snapchats or text messages throughout our days to make the time go by a bit quicker. Personally, I feel like this is why social media has become so important to so many people. Even from 1,700 miles apart we could still grow in this experimentation period. Following that period, it is safe to say that the quality time spent together with our mutual friends abroad helped us take our relationship to the next step, our current step, intensifying. 

Step Three- Intensifying

Ah yes, this is where it gets intense. According to Knapp's Relationship Model it is "In this stage [that] the relationship intensifies and becomes less formal. People will start revealing their personal information and will analyze the impression on the other person. They find various ways to nurture a relationship in order to strengthen interpersonal development such as gifts, spending more time together, asking for dates, expecting a relationship commitment, etc." (Communication Theory). In our most recent weeks, we have spent our time learning more about how we got to be the people that we are today. Intense conversations have found their way into light-hearted nights, all of which have deepened our connection. Sometimes it's hard to focus on my daily routine when I'm so excited to watch the Bachelor with him when he gets off work on Monday. (Yes, he's so sweet that he'll muscle through two hours of catty television drama.) 

Step Four and Beyond

As much as I would like to say we've made it to Knapp's fourth step, we're still enjoying our period of intensifying. As I earlier stated, the time between steps vary based off of relationships, and I am very happy to be enjoying all of the time that step three has brought to us, and what it will continue to bring. I'll keep you all updated on the next steps. 

Sources:

Models, in Communication, Interpersonal Communication, Psychology, Behavioral, and Social Science. “Knapp’s Relationship Model.” Communication Theory, January 2, 2013. http: